E N I G M A

Content of my heart}

Tuesday, 11 December 2018 | 05:21 | 0 comment

Eventhough, I know no one will read my post but i feel the need to spill my heart out to someone. I don't really trust the people around me. I feel like if I turn back around, they will stab my heart and act innocent bout it. Call me cynical but this is the world that I live, that we live. It is weird to live almost 17 years but still don't find anyone who I can lean to? Someone who I shared my story? Someone who know the real me? Is this the cruel fate that bestowed over me for my past sins? I don't know. I just wish at least there is someone who hold my hand while I'm cascading down. Someone who can show me that death is not what i want.

God, I don't want to turn back into the old me who has been shallow in hollowness. If I did, I don't think I can pull myself out of it again. Alone. The dirt from hallowness still wrap around me, just waiting for a time to spread again.

Am I being selfish for wanting someone who can take my anger? Someone who can share my sadness? Because I don't think I can hold it alone anymore. I'm afraid I will crumble from its weight.

I'm sorry for myself. I'm sorry for my future me. I'm sorry to my old me who have been through hell for the present me. I feel like I'm the one who throw myself in a deep ocean but in the end I'm also the one who pull myself out of it.

Am I strong? or am I weak? It is the questions that been played over and over in my mind.

Dear me, please.. be there for yourself. It is your battle alone with the world. Stop hoping for a knight in shining armor. Stop breaking your own heart from having hope. Kill it. Be heartless. Stop caring for someone who never care for you. Stop doing that useless thing just to make people around you happy. Stop breaking your own heart into pieces just to shelter other from rain. Because now, you have nothing to make yourself happy. You give every pieces of you, leaving yourself nothing.

0 SAID SOMETHING

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Content of my heart}

Tuesday, 11 December 2018 | 05:21 | 0Comment

Eventhough, I know no one will read my post but i feel the need to spill my heart out to someone. I don't really trust the people around me. I feel like if I turn back around, they will stab my heart and act innocent bout it. Call me cynical but this is the world that I live, that we live. It is weird to live almost 17 years but still don't find anyone who I can lean to? Someone who I shared my story? Someone who know the real me? Is this the cruel fate that bestowed over me for my past sins? I don't know. I just wish at least there is someone who hold my hand while I'm cascading down. Someone who can show me that death is not what i want.

God, I don't want to turn back into the old me who has been shallow in hollowness. If I did, I don't think I can pull myself out of it again. Alone. The dirt from hallowness still wrap around me, just waiting for a time to spread again.

Am I being selfish for wanting someone who can take my anger? Someone who can share my sadness? Because I don't think I can hold it alone anymore. I'm afraid I will crumble from its weight.

I'm sorry for myself. I'm sorry for my future me. I'm sorry to my old me who have been through hell for the present me. I feel like I'm the one who throw myself in a deep ocean but in the end I'm also the one who pull myself out of it.

Am I strong? or am I weak? It is the questions that been played over and over in my mind.

Dear me, please.. be there for yourself. It is your battle alone with the world. Stop hoping for a knight in shining armor. Stop breaking your own heart from having hope. Kill it. Be heartless. Stop caring for someone who never care for you. Stop doing that useless thing just to make people around you happy. Stop breaking your own heart into pieces just to shelter other from rain. Because now, you have nothing to make yourself happy. You give every pieces of you, leaving yourself nothing.

0 SAID SOMETHING