Sometimes I feel great and happy when I can feel my lungs fill and then deflate because there are some people who stop breathing. But there are also a day when just the thought of being breathing make me feel suffocated. 

Sometimes Im scared of being alone because when Im alone , I will be left alone with my own thought . When it quiet , i will start to think about the things that i do not want to think . And doing something that i do not want to do . Silence make me insane and that why I always listen to music . When there are no music or any sound , there will be no hiding for me from my own thought and I'm forced to deal with what I feel.

"There is no distraction to mask what is real"

When there is no sound to hide behind , i will start to think something terrifying and I cant stop myself from doing it.  When Im thinking too deep and started making myself afraid of my own thoughts , I will find myself crying to stop me from thinking . Sometimes I found myself battling with my own thoughts and I know I need to be strong because when you're weak you'll lose yourself and that means you'll be killed by your own thoughts . 

"Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind"

When we are awake , we will start to think and nothing can stop it . Thinking make me realizes that I still alive because you only stop thinking you're dead . Eventhought , it hard for me and for you guys to think , we will still need to think and forced ourselves to think . So , that we can know who we are and our true selves and also remind ourselves that we still ALIVE. When you always run away from your own thought , it will only make your own shoulder more heavier with problems . So please and please try to think and try to face your own thoughts but don't forced yourself to think alot because I did that before and I really dont want to do it again . 

Have a nice days!

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